My World

I grew up about 100 miles East of Springfield, MO in a small town called Mountain View. I was raised on a farm 5 miles outside of the actual town, so I was separated from many of the other children my age. I never had any friends and there wasn't much to do other than roam the fields and woodlands that bordered the farm. I had 3 younger siblings, a brother and two sisters, but they never peaked to my amount of fun. They never could keep up with me or find joy in the same activities and since I never had any friends out there, I was left to my own devices. No matter how boring things seemed or how terrible my childhood felt, I always had one place that I could sink into and escape. I always had that one place where no one else could find me or barge into and I was free to do whatever I wanted to do and be whoever I wanted to be. At first guess, you might think it was the woodlands, maybe a place I carved out for myself. There was no way I could fight mighty dragons and rescue princesses, no way for me to be the pilot of a fighter jet shooting down the enemy to save the country. The woods were no place for me to keep my kingdom… This one place I could always rely on was, in fact, my own mind. My mind was the one place I knew I could trust. The only place that would never let me down, because of years of practice, it was the only thing that could save me from the pain of growing up with no father and no friends, the pain of growing up with no money to do anything or go anywhere. None of this was by choice as I was not in control of my parents or the other kids in school. I had to find a way to pick up the slack where others had struggled to hold and to escape the ever lonesome world I was living in. I looked to the woods, I looked to the grassy fields and to the room in which I slept, but could never find exactly what I was looking for until I decided to look past all of what was there and tried to focus more on what wasn't there. In this process, I found the world locked inside my own head, the people who listened to the things I said and who loved the same things I did, the things that my family couldn't afford and the life that I wanted to live. Everything at this point was better in my world, the grass was greener, the trees larger, the sun brighter, and the air fresher.

            At any point I could take everything around me including people, sounds, buildings, even voices and create an entirely new world or just simply take a conversation and make it more interesting by changing the tone or the expressions the other person uses in my head. I can visually morph anything and everything around me to my specifications. This makes everything I do and everyone I encounter fun and exciting, keeps me interested in life. Without My World I would be lost, devastated, not knowing what to do or how to react. I would have never had the chance to enjoy what life has to offer and would be trapped in an uncompassionate, simplistic, self-loathing state of mind that I would let everything and everyone pass me by. While keeping in the material world, I was able to tear through the veil and introduce my own immaterial world into the material. I broke through Rene Descartes’ idea that one can pretend they have no body, but not that they did not exist. On dark, cold, and rainy days I would escape from my bedroom and run outside into the sun’s warm embrace, step onto the plush grass that covered the rolling hills and through the rows of trees that stretched as far as the eye could see. The warm spring air would fill my lungs and I could sprint barefoot as the soft ground would sink beneath my feet with every step. Not a sound could be heard aside from the rushing of the wind through the trees and birds in the skyline, no thunder or trace of terrible times. The possibilities that were possible in My World were unlimited, it was a place where anything could happen and everything was brilliant. My life was perfect, my worries were empty, and my cares focused on other things as I was able to enjoy my days. No one was left to suffer in My World, no one was made to feel lonely or to feel bored with nothing to do. No one could ruin My World because I would not allow them the chance. Nobody could ever understand why I was never bothered by any hardships encountered in my childhood or how I could stand to be around certain people, but I could do anything I wanted. They were unable to experience life the way I was able to, unable to find the joys in the monotony of everyday life. This allowed me to live beyond what others could see.

            Let’s face it, not everyone has to grow up without a father or live in what seems like pure solitude and not everyone has to deal with the same problems in life, but each and every one of us find different ways to cope with our problems, to find solutions and my solution was to create a world of my own, a world were anything was possible and nobody was alone. I created heaven on Earth and I was supreme ruler. I have always been able to find some way or another to find a solution to any problems I may be faced with simply by entering my own mind. I could think of ways to break barriers with others or to cope with losses growing up. In an article published in 2012 by psychiatrist Dr. Jeremy Dean, he even says that finding a distraction is one of the best ways to get over the feeling of worry or being down in the dumps, because suppressing something is never the way to go for it could have a rebound effect that would make it worse. I learned that as long as I have myself, I will never be alone and no matter how often one were to poke fun at me or to try and bury me, I would push through and wipe the dirt from my face as I continue my journey through my amazing life. After all the years have passes, I have yet to be shaken or broken by what has happened. I have yet to be hurt or destroyed by what others have said to me or to let those around me have control over who I am and what I want because I am in control and I can do anything I set my mind to. My World has shown me many things over the years and has taught me how to live life to the fullest no matter what happens. It has helped to create an unlimited supply of happiness that I try to spread to others who are less fortunate to have the ability to look past all the terrible things in life and find the joy in it all. My World is far more brilliant and full of passion and memories than any other place I have visited in the 26 years I have roamed this world. It is far more colorful and exciting than any other place and it can never be recreated by any other because it is unique. My World is the most important discovery I have ever made and will remain the only place I have ever visited that I would look forward to returning to more than anything. I only wish I could bring others to visit this wonderful place, but I can only provide them with glimpses of what is locked away inside.