Fear

Everyone has some fear or another. For some it's spiders, others it's clowns. Some might say they're afraid of heights, but it's not the height, it's the fall. That is something I have an issue with. A fear I have is of falling from a great distance. I don't let this fear hinder me however, I embrace the adrenaline that comes from the realization of the altitude I might be at. One of my favorite things to do is to go to Blue Springs river down in Mountain View, MO and climb the backside of the bluff along the water and, after catching my breath, jumping off of this beast and crashing into the cold water. The only problem (which makes it all the more fun) is that if you jump into the wrong section or don't jump far enough out from the wall, you'll hit the jagged rocks resting just below the water level. Because of this, it is now illegal to jump off the bluff and to do so is considered an act of self harm and endagerment and if caught by a park ranger, you will receive a hefty ticket. Does this stop anyone though? Some, but there are too many of us who enjoy the rush or adrenaline that comes with soaring through the air and falling to what could, if not cautious, be your untimely demise.

Some of my friends are afraid of spiders and clowns, even dolls. Being the amazing friend that I am, I use this fear to my advantage... and scare the crap out of them any chance I get. The only way to control a fear, is to face it head on.

By facing fear head on, you learn to take control over your fear. To not let it ruin your social interactions or limit your life experiences. Taking steps to control your fear can be simple. You can choose to start off small and gradually work your way towards having some control over how it effects you. You can start off big and dive straight into it if you want to. I remember the first time I ever faced my fear of heights. I was close to 7-8 years old and my mom had taken us to the river. There was a bluff about 25-30 feet above the water level, which isn't very high, but to a kid it's the effing Empire State building!! Me and my little sister had watched people jumping off of this rock wall for awhile and we both thought it would be a great idea to jump to, it looked like so much fun. So we both swim out to the back and start making our way up this thing. We get to the top and as soon as I look down HHVGB&^R$^#&OUYG*O&G!!!!!! I thought I was going to slip and fall to my death!! My little sister climbs down to a lower area and after a few seconds, jumps... I stand there, frozen against a small pine tree. My mom and everyone else is telling me to quit being a chicken, to jump, that it's no big deal. I still stand frozen against this tree... It was my only friend at this point. Finally, my sister climbs back up and shows me how to get to a lower spot and she jumps again. Now I don't have my small pine tree friend to hold onto and I'm about to crap my pants because there is maybe 7 inches of rock sticking out for me to stand on and it's straight down from there. I realized something at this point... there's no freaking way to get back up!! I'm stuck!! I'm going to die on this bluff!! After a few minutes, I go for it... I leap and crash into the water and emerge from the surface and I feel amazing!!

I feel amazing... The reaction my body had to the fall, the way it made me feel. It felt like the wave of fear from realizing how high I was and that I was so scared, but 10 times that feeling. I didn't understand why it felt so good since just moments before hand I was about to shit myself just standing there. As the years went by, I started doing things like that more and more. I was always a great swimmer as a kid thanks to my mom and spent most of my summers at the rivers around the area where there were all kinds of high places to jump from. My love for that feeling turned into an addiction... an addiction for adrenaline. I started finding more and more things that gave me that feeling. Climbing, bike stunts with neighborhood friends, skateboarding... I was always cautious not to hurt anyone else and to keep a level of control over it, but I could never get enough. When I got older and learned to drive, I found I could get the same feeling during that as well. I started hitting corners in the rain or on dirt roads and the snow. Later on, I figured out I could find the same reaction with girls and so I became hell bent of that because lets face it, as a teenage boy... that's waaaaay more fun ;) It got me into trouble quite often, but so did speeding and skateboarding, I just didn't have to deal with the law, only boyfriends and that was much easier to get out of than a ticket. Now that I'm a bit older, I have calmed down and found control over my fears and my need for adrenaline and think others can find that same control as well if they just try.

My Jung Typology Test

    So I had to take a this strange "typology test" and let's face it, there's a crap load of these kind of things on Facebook. I figured this would be the same thing, but I was sooooo wrong 0_0 I was very surprised by how accurate this thing was, simply from answering a bunch of multiple choice questions on a website. I feel like someone got inside my head and started digging around, but for their sake I hope not, way too much incriminating evidence is store in there. My results were ENFP; generally warm, enthusiastic, creative, spontaneous, and compassionate. I honestly would never show it outright, but I am a pretty nice person. Reading over the descriptions got me to actually think about who I am as a whole, realizing that this wasn't just another Facebook "What celebrity are you" quizzes.  I mean it wasn't like finding the answer to the question What is the meaning of life? but it was really cool how accurate it was. I don't feel as if it would help me or inhibit me as a writer really, but reading over it was pretty awesome!! It's not like I didn't know what kind of person I am since, well it's me. I'm actually interested in taking the full test now :)

Best Weekend Ever...

    So this Friday, after I finished my classes, I went to a friends place out past Bolivar, MO to hang out for a few hours... That turned into several hours. I stayed up the whole night with him and his family having a lot of fun, but BOY was I tired!! On the drive home I couldn't stop thinking about how amazing my nice warm queen size bed was going to feel when I jumped in and curled up under the covers. As soon I got out of the backwoods and my cell picked up service, I had a message from another friend asking to call him, so I did. This is the point I realized that sleep I was soooo looking forward to was going to be ruined... Apparently his fuel pump went out and he needed help with it and since I am such a GREAT friend, I told him I would. (that and he doesn't know a great deal about cars lol) I get out there and the pan was to pull the part off a donor vehicle and replace it onto his, sounded easy enough even though I had never had to do this before. Turns out, you have to drop the gas tank in order to get to the fuel pump -_- yay me. We have this thing lifted with 2 hydrolic jacks, 2 jack stands and 3 scissor jacks as a safety support just in case. After about 4 hours of work, several busted knuckles and trying to detach the fill hoses, it finally comes off!! Thinking it would be easier to get his off, since we had just done it already, we get back to his place and lift it up to remove it only to find out there is a difference in the under body between a 2 wheel drive and a 4 wheel drive with the off road package. His had extra sway bars, 1 of which was in the way of lowering the front end of his gas tank. 

We were out in the freezing cold until 10pm before we were finally able to drop his tank and drain the 3/4 of gas that was in it to make it lighter to move around. We get this tank out of there and replace the pump (no big deal there) and get it back underneath his Blazer and lift it into place then start re attaching the fill hoses, fuel lines and the electrical socket. I have him turn the key to give it a quick test before we finish all the work, just in case, and guess what? IT DOESN'T @#$%^$%^ WORK!! I never thought to check the fuel pump relay beforehand because he was told it was a bad fuel pump, I figured they had already checked it. I look for myself and the relay fuse is perfectly fine, must be a short. As soon as I pull the relay block out and turn the case around to see all the wires leading into it, I notice 1 of the wires looks thrashed. I grab the wire to feel it, checking to see if the wire is melted anywhere, THE THING FALLS OUT!! This whole time it was a bad connection. This wire had been taken out, cut and then soldered to the female connector that is inserted into the relay box. I push the wire back inside and plug in the relay to have him check the pump again and as soon as he turns the key... BAM!! It's working!! :) At this point, we both felt a wave of reactions. We were happy, but pretty pissed since we spent the entire day trying to replace the pump when it was a 5 minute job in the end. I was up from 8:30am Friday until 2:00am Sunday morning, got home and slept till noon and had to get back up to put the donor car back together and ended up having to drive to Ozark to pick up a ladder for my mom who needed it in Willard, MO and spent another hour n a half there. I finally finished and got home so I could start my homework at 9:30pm before school in the morning... Best weekend ever... -_-