Fear

Everyone has some fear or another. For some it's spiders, others it's clowns. Some might say they're afraid of heights, but it's not the height, it's the fall. That is something I have an issue with. A fear I have is of falling from a great distance. I don't let this fear hinder me however, I embrace the adrenaline that comes from the realization of the altitude I might be at. One of my favorite things to do is to go to Blue Springs river down in Mountain View, MO and climb the backside of the bluff along the water and, after catching my breath, jumping off of this beast and crashing into the cold water. The only problem (which makes it all the more fun) is that if you jump into the wrong section or don't jump far enough out from the wall, you'll hit the jagged rocks resting just below the water level. Because of this, it is now illegal to jump off the bluff and to do so is considered an act of self harm and endagerment and if caught by a park ranger, you will receive a hefty ticket. Does this stop anyone though? Some, but there are too many of us who enjoy the rush or adrenaline that comes with soaring through the air and falling to what could, if not cautious, be your untimely demise.

Some of my friends are afraid of spiders and clowns, even dolls. Being the amazing friend that I am, I use this fear to my advantage... and scare the crap out of them any chance I get. The only way to control a fear, is to face it head on.

By facing fear head on, you learn to take control over your fear. To not let it ruin your social interactions or limit your life experiences. Taking steps to control your fear can be simple. You can choose to start off small and gradually work your way towards having some control over how it effects you. You can start off big and dive straight into it if you want to. I remember the first time I ever faced my fear of heights. I was close to 7-8 years old and my mom had taken us to the river. There was a bluff about 25-30 feet above the water level, which isn't very high, but to a kid it's the effing Empire State building!! Me and my little sister had watched people jumping off of this rock wall for awhile and we both thought it would be a great idea to jump to, it looked like so much fun. So we both swim out to the back and start making our way up this thing. We get to the top and as soon as I look down HHVGB&^R$^#&OUYG*O&G!!!!!! I thought I was going to slip and fall to my death!! My little sister climbs down to a lower area and after a few seconds, jumps... I stand there, frozen against a small pine tree. My mom and everyone else is telling me to quit being a chicken, to jump, that it's no big deal. I still stand frozen against this tree... It was my only friend at this point. Finally, my sister climbs back up and shows me how to get to a lower spot and she jumps again. Now I don't have my small pine tree friend to hold onto and I'm about to crap my pants because there is maybe 7 inches of rock sticking out for me to stand on and it's straight down from there. I realized something at this point... there's no freaking way to get back up!! I'm stuck!! I'm going to die on this bluff!! After a few minutes, I go for it... I leap and crash into the water and emerge from the surface and I feel amazing!!

I feel amazing... The reaction my body had to the fall, the way it made me feel. It felt like the wave of fear from realizing how high I was and that I was so scared, but 10 times that feeling. I didn't understand why it felt so good since just moments before hand I was about to shit myself just standing there. As the years went by, I started doing things like that more and more. I was always a great swimmer as a kid thanks to my mom and spent most of my summers at the rivers around the area where there were all kinds of high places to jump from. My love for that feeling turned into an addiction... an addiction for adrenaline. I started finding more and more things that gave me that feeling. Climbing, bike stunts with neighborhood friends, skateboarding... I was always cautious not to hurt anyone else and to keep a level of control over it, but I could never get enough. When I got older and learned to drive, I found I could get the same feeling during that as well. I started hitting corners in the rain or on dirt roads and the snow. Later on, I figured out I could find the same reaction with girls and so I became hell bent of that because lets face it, as a teenage boy... that's waaaaay more fun ;) It got me into trouble quite often, but so did speeding and skateboarding, I just didn't have to deal with the law, only boyfriends and that was much easier to get out of than a ticket. Now that I'm a bit older, I have calmed down and found control over my fears and my need for adrenaline and think others can find that same control as well if they just try.